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What strength means

STRENGTH.

/streNG(k)TH/

noun

1.the quality of being physically strong

2.the quality of being brave and determined in a difficult situation

 

Everybody has their own meaning of strength. Some depict it to one’s ability to show more muscle and brawn while others term strength as their ability to accomplish difficult tasks. Mahatma Gandhi once said, ‘Strength doesn’t come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will’. Strength is all about your experiences. Your day-to-day, or weekly experiences. Those cold and painful experiences that you sometimes wish you could forget. Yet, without those memories you wouldn’t be the ‘strong’ person you are said to be. These past months have been one of those experiences for me. Perhaps watching someone you love suffer can teach you more than suffering yourself can; and this has really helped me to learn, what I personally feel, is the true meaning behind this word.

Watching someone you love suffer is the worst thing. Not everyone will understand wanting to take someone’s pain away, until it actually happens to them. It does not only drain you, but it kills you slowly. Slowly ripping you of any life left. No appetite. No psyche. No happiness. No peace. Their suffering takes a toll on you so bad that you end up having side effects. Nothing can keep you happy but your own inner strength. Constant worry and fear and concern become your norm. Powerlessness and pain follow. You want to do everything and anything in your power to make everything okay but you cant do nothing. All you can do is sit and hope that your presence will make things better.

This is what strength means.

Strength is about believing. Believing that they will be okay. Believing that every day you go and visit them, they will listen and that ray of hope will shine on their dull faces. Believing that your efforts to make them happy once again, efforts to see them smile, efforts to see them lively will not go to waste. You will make a difference and you will see it on their face. They will show some improvement. The type of belief that they will still see the next day, and every other day for that matter.

Strength is persistence.

Strength is courage. Going to the battlefield and giving your all. Fighting even though the battle is lost anyway. Not giving up. David’s kind of courage; because this is a war you and your loved one are facing together. Just you, a sling and the little voice in your head encouraging you to go on and that you can do it, fight harder than before. Understanding that you are your own boss and you determine your own future. Going forth armed in faith. Not giving up.

Strength is resilience.

Strength is all about persevering. We all have an unsuspected reserve of strength inside that emerges when life puts us to the test. Spending sleepless nights crying yourself to sleep but every other day smiling, living like everything is okay. Feeling so weak but everyone else only sees how strong you are. Facing one day at a time, learning all you can to build your strength for the future. Falling down 6 times, but rising 7.

In the end, tough times don’t last, tough people do. Chin up.

dodinsky

It’s okay to leave…

Disclaimer: The day you stop putting up with people’s bullshit, is the day you will be truly happy.

Too much sauce? Well, I’m a writer…and a woman. Emotions are my metier. So sometimes I could be a prostitute of feelings. I think it’s allowed. But let me try this again, with less feelings. So that there is less viscosity in my words and you get the flow.

Simply. If a relationship, be it with a friend of yours, or a family member or a partner makes you feel bad, then you SHOULD’T BE IN IT!

You know where the door is. Leave.

leaving-behind
AWFT

“Sometimes it’s better to end something and try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.” – Karen Salmansohn

For most people who have never been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, they normally wonder why someone may find it difficult to just leave. I mean its easy. That’s what we may all think. You know where the door is… “gerrarahia men…shi* no waamsayin?” But what we don’t understand is that probably leaving the relationship is harder than we may think. Some people could be in it for the financial security while others may not have anywhere to go. So many of us walk around hoping for that apology to come, the apology they think will finally give them that peace of mind. They hope that the other person will admit that they were wrong, treated them badly, and that now, they just want them to be happy. And be together. But hey, welcome to the year of egos and self-righteousness. The new age when that apology almost never comes, and we end up feeling worse about things than we did when the conversation started. I may not be a pro at relationships, nor may I have a phd in relationships to show my years of experience, but I don’t think anyone deserves to be treated like a piece of trash and still stay.

Dear millennial, I don’t judge you, or your decision to stay, but it makes me so mad. We are all about #RelationshipGoals today. We want to be like KimYe or like Beyonce and Jayz. We want everyone to see the good in our relationship. We want to be those goals we see on TV. We also want to outdo that friend of ours who has been in a relationship so that they know we are way better than them at the game. So you put on a perfect show for all your friends and family. You forget that affairs of the heart can never be a game. You sail through a heavy storm for that relationship. You’ve chased him while he chased another. You’re sitting through the negligence, disrespect and cold shoulders just to lie by their side and be the trending #relationshipgoals. Yet they can’t even walk through the drizzle for you. You’re always making the effort to initiate everything; phone calls, texts, dates you name it. You make the first phone call and the only phone call for that matter. You text and probably reply your own text because they don’t make an effort to reply so you make assumptions. You make excuses for them just so you can stay in the relationship.  They are always busy for you or caught up with this and that for you, but you see their snap chat stories enjoying life with their friends. They cheat and lie but that’s their version of ‘protecting you’. Honey, you are making someone a priority in your life who just has you as an option. Who is holding your hand to stay? Or do you need an Uber promo code instead? 

You know the way out. Leave.

I could be wrong but based on how I see things today, relationships are defined by how good you are in bed. Okay, lets not say 100% but probably about 70% of relationships are determined by your ability to wow your potential partner before they can make a solid decision about whether they want you in their life or not. Most of them are angels until they get what they want, then vamoose after they have achieved their goal. Doesn’t answer your calls, or reply your messages even if you can see them online. Why sell yourself so cheaply? There is nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, you get to discover self-love as you wait for someone to come and sweep you off your feet. You get to realize your worth and the things that make you happy. You get to set the bar high enough so that he who feels the need to be with you will live up to those standards. Why do what they want you to do so that you can feel loved or get that sense of belonging? The only person who can judge you is God, unless He just opened a portal for online applications that I’m not aware of, then accept my apologies. Otherwise, JIPENDE! No one died because of not being in a relationship. I know you’re the sh*t but don’t let them treat you like a tissue paper. Okay love? If you are not comfortable with anything,

You know where the door is. Leave.

I’m tired of seeing my friends crying and depressed because someone decided to look for greener pastures elsewhere because they are too lazy to water their own. It isn’t fair. To you who ensures people make sacrifices for you yet you wouldn’t even kill a mosquito for them, SAITAN! They have special places in hell for you. Don’t waste their time. Time is irrecoverable. Time waits for no man. Time is precious. Save them the sleepless nights and soaked pillows. All that they need is your loyalty, trust, faithfulness, happiness and love. Mostly love. That genuine feeling you get when you see your food being brought to the table by the waiter, just that. If you don’t like them or you’re bored or you just don’t feel it anymore or even maybe the Nairobi sun has just landed in your relationship and there is water rationing in your area and it’s both too hot and the grass is drier than eating cake with no juice (you know vile inanyonga pale kwa throat). Please, if you won’t make any efforts to make things right, take it from Tarrus Riley then, “…pack up your things and leave… Don’t come back…“. 

Sometimes two people just aren’t good for each other. And it is okay to leave. You have nothing to lose anyway. Yes it may not be as easy to end something that has been very familiar, but I am sure it is worth it. For your happiness and closure. It really is. You just have to surround yourself with positive people who support you and love you. Be in relationships with people who care about your well being just as much as you care for theirs. People who want to see you grow and be happy. People who take you just the way you are. Change is inevitable. Change is the only constant in life. Change is never easy; you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.

 

“Just be honest with yourself and with your relationships and be courageous enough to make a change.” – Susie Miller

 

Campus Night Life

So, its my final year of university. yaay \°/. Let’s just say, a few months to go..two to be exact. Today’s blog is a little bit of an orientation for the Matiang’i squad joining University and more of a throwback for those who’ve been there. It’s a bit homemade so I am pretty sure the people who have been down this road would relate. As for the ‘youngins‘, hahaha… That’s what you are referred to nowadays no?… Anyway, it’s going to be tough out here, and once in a while you’re going to have to let loose. Probably you might even need it.

When you hit the club, you are going to meet a variety of people; most of them are out to have a good time, but that doesn’t mean they are all the same. Kuna watu na viatu duniani, believe me. Ni kuona mengi…But here are my 10 must see party people at a dunda.

1. The Burden

This is a guarantee when you go out. I assure you, you will meet one of them, or if it’s your birthday, you will be them :D. After having one drink too many, they just die. Gone. Blacked out. K.O.’d. Slumberkaka. Dreamdada. If you are lucky, it will happen a few hours after you reach the club because sometimes, they decide to count sheep even before the bouncer gets to not ask you for your ID or even show off your new outfit. By the time the club is closing, they cannot even stand.

dirunk

2. Nightin_Gal Lesbians

“Huyu ni nani? Anataka nini? Unamjua?”
‘Simjui. Ata ananisumbua…’
“Haya…” (shoves the creep away) “Babe, are you okay?”

On a girl’s night out, no girls like to be bothered by unknown guys at the club, unless you look good…and I mean really good…CC: Trey Songz, then my dear, you will most definitely meet the ‘Nightin_gal Lesbians’. They are ladies who just want to have a good time on their own, and once an unknown person tries to disrupt their moment, they instantly become lesbians just to spoof the stranger away.

bebes

3. Twerkin’ Texter

I have met a number of these, and probably been one of them too. Miss Twerking Texter wants the best of both worlds; to text and to dance. She will constantly be on her phone the whole night, but you won’t miss her on the dance floor twerking to the club bangers. I think when they said women can multitask, ni hawa warembo

text.jpg

4. The Vodka Dancer

This one is pretty simple. This guy or girl, with the help of vodka is thee best dancer in the club. Confidence level 100. No one can match up to their dancing skills…and I mean literally no one. Move aside and away from them because they take their dancing pretty seriously. They know all the dance moves; Twerking, Bazokizo, Juju on that beat, Dougie, Shoki, Dab …you name it. (see what I did there..hahaha). Sometimes you feel like you’re watching a music video.

lets-dance

5. Mama/Baba Snapchat

Dear millennial, you don’t have to record everything you do at the club. You really don’t. Take it from me, I’ve been there, and done that. Maybe once in a while, a picture or two, but not a whole movie young one.
However, we have many of these today. Anything small, ‘Tupige selfie guys…’ *click* …Drinks come to the table, it’s a Jamey or Smurff…*click*…The DJ drops a new club banger and everyone is dancing, including the extra shy one…*click*.

selfie

6. Mama Watoto

You all know what I’m talking about. Heck, either you’ve been her or you’ve met her. As some men would like to out rightly call her, ‘the cockblocker‘. Every group of ladies has one. Always there to protect her babies and also make sure every baby is well catered for. In case a guy comes around one of her cup cakes, he’d probably go back regretting her existence. In addition, they buy water, and hold hair back and just make sure any drunk girl is safe and sound

body

7. Drama Queen

One minute they are starting a fight because of one drunk fella who shoved them out of the way, or because someone stepped on their foot, the next minute they are crying and demanding attention because of a past relationship that didn’t end as expected. Their male counterparts would be referred to as Mike Tyson. Always looking for the smallest of reasons to throw a punch because they are assured of back up from their pals.

fighter.jpg

8. The Great Houdini

You arrive at the club together. The waiter approaches you and you make an order. You are out to have a good time and everyone pledges to contribute a specific amount to changia that mzinga. It’s 4am, guys are beat, you guys need to go home. It’s time to pay the bill. POOF! The disappearing act at its best. He/She left a long time ago. You’re left paying the bill on your own because, Houdini!

poof!

9. Time to go home’r

Instead of throwing their hands in the air like they just don’t care, they are busy throwing other things…nasty things…and it’s not pretty.Throwing up everywhere. Sometimes you doubt what they had for supper before they went to the club. But in all honesty, let’s not mix things up at the club. Stick to thine lanes alcohol lovers.

gif-drunk-girl

10. The Guzzler

They ball hard at the club. Cocktails. Wine. Whiskey. Vodka. Champagne…even that Moet…lol…I mean, pesa otas…donge? They put the money where their mouth is. Drinking like there is no tomorrow. Some even believe that alcohol is the liquid version of photoshop. Hahaha. I pray for those livers every Sundays.

alcohol

Eventually an epic night is what you have, despite the drama and scenes caused. But what are memories fam? Youngins, there you have it, I hope this helps you out as you join the world. Have fun. To my fellow night crawlers, which of these 10 Kenyans are you? Which one made you think of your friends? Share this article if it reminded you of the crazy nights you’ve had with your girls or guys and maybe you can relive those unforgettable times together!

The Search for Paradise

Rummaging through the pockets of my coat for a cigarette as I stepped onto the now deserted streets of Nairobi, my brows pulled together in annoyance realizing I’d finished the pack earlier. Had it really mattered all that much? What satisfaction would someone like myself receive from smoking anyway? As I took in the cool air from outside, my irritable expression remained. The wind blew in the terribly cold June air. I thought about the strength and the strangeness of the street boys who sat outside by the parking lot in that cold. I didn’t blame them. The city life wasn’t cut out for everyone, it’s merely a survival for the fittest scenario; you either eat or be eaten. I stopped thinking about them. Although the wind hit my face mostly, I could feel it breezing down my new mitumba khaki pants. Some reggae music piped through the air, but I wasn’t listening. I focused more on where I could buy another cigarette.

As I looked for the nearest shop, the events vividly played in my head. A few days before the wedding, I received a phone call. It was Paul. He wanted to meet at the club. We always met there when we wanted to discuss women, breakups, girlfriends, etc. When the waiter brought the whiskey Paul confessed he had an argument with his fiancee the other day because he thought she was cheating on him. I was shocked, but after that Paul said something even more shocking. “If I find out she is cheating on me, I’m sure, I will kill her, Danny”. Paul sat quietly, his face buried in his hands.His whiskey glass untouched. You know…when you are in a relationship with someone, you think that it’s going to last forever, that nothing can get in the way between you and your partner. That was Paul’s idea of love and he stuck to it like glue. The church bells were ringing, I was inside there, waiting for my friend to get married. Don Bosco was filled to the brim; ‘The Wedding of the Year’ some whispered as they eagerly waited for the ceremony to commence. However, something strange was happening. The bride didn’t show up, and neither did the groom. I decided to go to Paul’s room and check if everything was in order, there was not a soul in there. Suddenly, I heard a scream coming out of the bride’s room. When I reached the place, I found her lying on the floor with a knife through her spine and her white and silk dress stained with blood.

“Boss! Ni rwabe! Lipa ama ujipe shughuli mtu yangu..” The young boy said with great impatience as he pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his rugged jeans, undeniably drawn by the easy money he was about to make.

With his sudden interjection into his thoughts he turned to once again meet the unfamiliar face. Though he was seemingly interested as to how he’d initiated such chaos among people he’d never met before tonight, he simply shrugged, the tension in his muscles slowly releasing while his mind slipped away from his cigarette crisis. “Eh, asante,” he said in a casual tone as he handed him the 200 shilling note. “Fiti” he replied, narrowing his eyes as he stuffed the note in his jeans.