It’s okay to leave…

Disclaimer: The day you stop putting up with people’s bullshit, is the day you will be truly happy.

Too much sauce? Well, I’m a writer…and a woman. Emotions are my metier. So sometimes I could be a prostitute of feelings. I think it’s allowed. But let me try this again, with less feelings. So that there is less viscosity in my words and you get the flow.

Simply. If a relationship, be it with a friend of yours, or a family member or a partner makes you feel bad, then you SHOULD’T BE IN IT!

You know where the door is. Leave.

leaving-behind
AWFT

“Sometimes it’s better to end something and try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.” – Karen Salmansohn

For most people who have never been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, they normally wonder why someone may find it difficult to just leave. I mean its easy. That’s what we may all think. You know where the door is… “gerrarahia men…shi* no waamsayin?” But what we don’t understand is that probably leaving the relationship is harder than we may think. Some people could be in it for the financial security while others may not have anywhere to go. So many of us walk around hoping for that apology to come, the apology they think will finally give them that peace of mind. They hope that the other person will admit that they were wrong, treated them badly, and that now, they just want them to be happy. And be together. But hey, welcome to the year of egos and self-righteousness. The new age when that apology almost never comes, and we end up feeling worse about things than we did when the conversation started. I may not be a pro at relationships, nor may I have a phd in relationships to show my years of experience, but I don’t think anyone deserves to be treated like a piece of trash and still stay.

Dear millennial, I don’t judge you, or your decision to stay, but it makes me so mad. We are all about #RelationshipGoals today. We want to be like KimYe or like Beyonce and Jayz. We want everyone to see the good in our relationship. We want to be those goals we see on TV. We also want to outdo that friend of ours who has been in a relationship so that they know we are way better than them at the game. So you put on a perfect show for all your friends and family. You forget that affairs of the heart can never be a game. You sail through a heavy storm for that relationship. You’ve chased him while he chased another. You’re sitting through the negligence, disrespect and cold shoulders just to lie by their side and be the trending #relationshipgoals. Yet they can’t even walk through the drizzle for you. You’re always making the effort to initiate everything; phone calls, texts, dates you name it. You make the first phone call and the only phone call for that matter. You text and probably reply your own text because they don’t make an effort to reply so you make assumptions. You make excuses for them just so you can stay in the relationship.  They are always busy for you or caught up with this and that for you, but you see their snap chat stories enjoying life with their friends. They cheat and lie but that’s their version of ‘protecting you’. Honey, you are making someone a priority in your life who just has you as an option. Who is holding your hand to stay? Or do you need an Uber promo code instead? 

You know the way out. Leave.

I could be wrong but based on how I see things today, relationships are defined by how good you are in bed. Okay, lets not say 100% but probably about 70% of relationships are determined by your ability to wow your potential partner before they can make a solid decision about whether they want you in their life or not. Most of them are angels until they get what they want, then vamoose after they have achieved their goal. Doesn’t answer your calls, or reply your messages even if you can see them online. Why sell yourself so cheaply? There is nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, you get to discover self-love as you wait for someone to come and sweep you off your feet. You get to realize your worth and the things that make you happy. You get to set the bar high enough so that he who feels the need to be with you will live up to those standards. Why do what they want you to do so that you can feel loved or get that sense of belonging? The only person who can judge you is God, unless He just opened a portal for online applications that I’m not aware of, then accept my apologies. Otherwise, JIPENDE! No one died because of not being in a relationship. I know you’re the sh*t but don’t let them treat you like a tissue paper. Okay love? If you are not comfortable with anything,

You know where the door is. Leave.

I’m tired of seeing my friends crying and depressed because someone decided to look for greener pastures elsewhere because they are too lazy to water their own. It isn’t fair. To you who ensures people make sacrifices for you yet you wouldn’t even kill a mosquito for them, SAITAN! They have special places in hell for you. Don’t waste their time. Time is irrecoverable. Time waits for no man. Time is precious. Save them the sleepless nights and soaked pillows. All that they need is your loyalty, trust, faithfulness, happiness and love. Mostly love. That genuine feeling you get when you see your food being brought to the table by the waiter, just that. If you don’t like them or you’re bored or you just don’t feel it anymore or even maybe the Nairobi sun has just landed in your relationship and there is water rationing in your area and it’s both too hot and the grass is drier than eating cake with no juice (you know vile inanyonga pale kwa throat). Please, if you won’t make any efforts to make things right, take it from Tarrus Riley then, “…pack up your things and leave… Don’t come back…“. 

Sometimes two people just aren’t good for each other. And it is okay to leave. You have nothing to lose anyway. Yes it may not be as easy to end something that has been very familiar, but I am sure it is worth it. For your happiness and closure. It really is. You just have to surround yourself with positive people who support you and love you. Be in relationships with people who care about your well being just as much as you care for theirs. People who want to see you grow and be happy. People who take you just the way you are. Change is inevitable. Change is the only constant in life. Change is never easy; you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.

 

“Just be honest with yourself and with your relationships and be courageous enough to make a change.” – Susie Miller